


As I Am

by Gavroche_A



Category: BBC Class
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, If the BBC won't give us a second season then I sure as hell will, M/M, Matteusz is a good boyfriend, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Suicidal Thoughts, bbc class - Freeform, my attempt to put humpty dumpty back together again, oh god what am I gonna do with this mess Patrick Ness has left us with, post the lost, you can't just break all of the characters and leave them in shards on the ground
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 06:44:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11099076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gavroche_A/pseuds/Gavroche_A
Summary: My continuation of BBC's Class. This picks up right where The Lost left off. Mostly a Matteusz/Charlie fic but will include everyone else.Title and chapter titles inspired by "As I Am" by Heather Dale





	1. I Suppose That I Look Different Without the Robes and Crown

**Author's Note:**

> It's 1am and I'm too sad to sleep because I can't stop thinking about these beautiful broken people, so I wrote this to make myself feel better and I thought "Why not share it?" Enjoy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV:  
> Charlie***Matteusz***Matteusz

It was too much. Gasping, trembling, Charlie rose shakily to his feet and fled. Faintly, he heard people calling his name, but he ignored them. He stumbled through the empty halls of Coal Hill Academy half-blind from tears, ears ringing with the pounding of his heart. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He didn’t know where he was going. All he knew was he was supposed to die and he didn’t and now he was here and all of his people were gone and April was dead, dead because of him, dead by his hand, and Matteusz…just the thought of him caused a sharp lance of pain to pierce his chest. Charlie had thought he couldn’t hurt any more than he already did, but the memory of Matteusz’s tearstained face, his cracking voice pleading Charlie to stop, had him gasping with a new ache.

Charlie’s legs trembled and he gave up on running. He collapsed onto a bench and sobbed, not caring who heard. Once, when he had been a prince, Charlie had concerned himself with his image, taking care to not let others see him in moments of weakness. It didn’t matter now. Nothing did. He wasn’t a prince anymore, wasn’t anyone but the empty shell of the last living Rhodian. He had no people to rule, to care for. He had no family, no friends. Charlie felt as if his own soul had left him with the contents of the Cabinet. Maybe it had. That would explain the searing pain in his chest, like someone had reached inside of him and scraped him hollow.

Blinded by tears, deafened by his sobs and the pounding of his heart, Charlie didn’t realize he wasn’t alone until he felt hands on his shoulders. The touch was gentle, familiar, but still he recoiled so sharply that he tumbled from the bench, hitting the floor with a dull crack. He barely felt the impact.

“Charlie!” Matteusz. He squeezed his eyes shut to block out the other boy’s concerned face. Charlie hadn’t expected Matteusz to come after him. He was a monster now, after all. Why would Matteusz want to comfort him? He felt gentle hands on him again, lifting him from the cold tile floor.

“Don’t, please don’t touch me. I’ll hurt you too. Please, stay away, Matteusz.” He pleaded, twisting out of his grasp. The hands followed, mockingly gentle. Charlie didn’t deserve this tenderness. When would Matteusz learn that? He pulled away again, moving as far away as he could until his back pressed against the wall. “Stop!”

“Okay.” Matteusz released him. “Okay, I will not touch you.” There was a pause, the silence broken only by the gasping sobs that Charlie could not control. Finally, he heard Matteusz slide across the floor, closer to him. His voice was soft. “You’re bleeding, Charlie.”

Charlie shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.” He peeled his eyes open. Matteusz was close, peering down at where Charlie lay curled on the floor. His eyes were filled with tears, his cheeks still wet where they fell. Charlie wanted to hide from the caring warmth in those eyes. He wanted to run far away so that Matteusz would be safe from him, but he was still trembling so badly he didn’t even think he could make it to his knees. He wanted to tell Matteusz to go, that Charlie was dangerous and would only hurt him, but selfish as he was he couldn’t force the words out of his quivering lips. Because he didn’t really want Matteusz to leave. More than anything, Charlie wanted to cling to Matteusz and let himself be held until he could breathe again. He closed his eyes.

“Of course it matters.” Matteusz breathed. “You are in pain.” His voice cracked, and Charlie felt Matteusz shift as if to touch him. He tensed against it, but the caress never came.

“Why are you still here, Matteusz?” Charlie cried, opening his eyes to search the other boy’s face. “I...I’m…I—“ His words broke into a sob. “ _I killed them!_ The Rhodians, the Shadow Kin, _April!_ ”   

“Charlie,”

“ _They’re all dead because of me!_ ” his voice was ragged, the words ripping out of him. “Because I thought that I…that I could be _the hero_.” He laughed bitterly, the sound tainted by his tears. “You may have loved me this morning, but…but there is no way that y-you could love… _this_.” He clutched at his chest, devolving into wordless sobs. “Matteusz,” he moaned, “Matteusz, I’m so lost. I’m not supposed to b-be here. They’re gone and now I’m all alone and I don’t even know who I am anymore.” He gasped, looking down at his trembling hands. “I’m supposed to be dead. _I’m supposed to be dead!_ ”

Strong arms wrapped around him, pulling his shaking body close to the solid warmth of Matteusz’s chest. This time he didn’t have the strength to fight it. He melted into the touch, clinging to Matteusz’s shirt and letting himself be held as sobs continued to rack his body. Faintly, he heard Matteusz whispering reassurances, felt him pressing soft kisses to his hair and stroking his back, but everything felt dull and blurry. Everything except the sharp pain of guilt and loss that pierced his chest and threatened to swallow him whole. Charlie held onto the sound of Matteusz’s voice as the tears fell and kept falling. He sobbed into the other boy’s chest until exhaustion overcame him, and darkness swallowed everything.

 ***

“Matteusz?”

Matteusz turned at the sound of Tanya’s voice. She stood a few feet away, watching them like she was afraid they might explode if she came too close. He wasn’t sure she was wrong.

“Yes?” he whispered, not wanting to disturb Charlie. His tears were still drying on his cheeks, but his breathing had slowed and the trembling had stopped, so Matteusz was fairly certain the other boy was asleep.

Tanya followed his cue, lowering her voice to match his. “Is he alright?”

Matteusz just stared at her, unsure how to answer such a blatantly obvious question.

She shook her head at his expression. “Of course he isn’t, that was stupid. I just…I’m sorry.” She swallowed hard. “I know that I’m the one who insisted he use the Cabinet of Souls and—“

“Don’t.” Matteusz interrupted her, his quiet voice firm. “I cannot…I am doing all I can to stay together now, for Charlie. I cannot… _hold_ any more.” He took a deep breath. “Anyway, I am not the one you should apologize to.” He looked pointedly down at the boy sleeping in his arms. “Later, we fall apart, when the ones in pieces now are whole again. For now…I need to stay solid, so unless you can help with that then please go.”

Tanya nodded solemnly. “I understand.” She bit her lip, fresh tears welling up behind her eyes. She turned to go back to the gym but stopped, facing him again. “How do you do it?” she asked, her voice cracking a little. “How do you stay…solid? I mean, you…I always thought, if he,” she frowned, “you know…that you wouldn’t—that you _couldn’t_ stay. But…here you are.”

Matteusz closed his eyes, fighting back the torrent of emotion rising in his throat. “I thought that too. But…I love him. This I promised; I would love him today.” He smiled sadly. “This was a hard day to have love, but that is what promises are for.” He looked down at Charlie’s sleeping face. “And now I see, there is nothing he could do that would make me love him not.”

“Is that why you’re afraid of him?” Tanya whispered.

Matteusz shook his head. “I am afraid because I think he might hate me for loving him right now.”

***

Matteusz wasn’t sure where Quill got the car, or why she decided to share it with him, but he didn’t protest when she dropped the keys on the floor beside him.

“Drive us home.” She said when he looked up at her.

He swallowed, considering, then nodded once. He grabbed the keys and clutched them tightly in one hand, then slid that arm under Charlie’s legs and lifted them gently, cradling the smaller boy against his chest. He rose shakily to his feet, unbalanced by the extra weight, but managed to stand without falling. Once he was upright, Matteusz looked down at Quill.

“The others?” he asked.

She nodded. “Tanya called her brothers; they’re coming to get her. And Ram drove here. He and April will wait until Tanya is on her way and then go…wherever it is they’re going." Matteusz raised a questioning eyebrow. Quill scoffed. “I’m not a babysitter.” She sighed. “Look, I’ve made sure everyone has a ride somewhere. That’s about as much caring as I have left in me today.”

Matteusz understood that feeling. He toyed with the idea of checking in on everyone himself, but Charlie whimpered in his sleep, shifting in his arms, and Matteusz decided the others could care for each other for now. Charlie needed him more than they did. He nodded and followed Quill out of the building.

She led them to a small silver car parked in the employee lot. Matteusz nodded his thanks when, after he clicked the button to unlock the doors, Quill stepped forward and opened the door so he could lay Charlie down across the back row of seats. She said nothing as she climbed into the passenger seat. Matteusz was glad of the silence. He didn’t think he could handle a conversation with Quill right now.

They made it to the flat without incident, and Matteusz was again grateful when Quill closed the car door behind him after he lifted a still sleeping Charlie out of the back seat, and again when she produced another set of keys from her coat with which she unlocked the flat, holding the door open so Matteusz could carry Charlie inside.

They parted at the stairs, each silently moving towards the peace of a bed and a room away from what had happened at the school. With infinite care, Matteusz placed Charlie on the bed they had shared before that day trapped in the classroom. Gently, wanting nothing more than to let Charlie continue sleeping, Matteusz pulled off the other boy’s shoes, stripped him of his coat, and draped a spare blanket across his sleeping form.

Matteusz stood for a moment beside the bed, staring at the boy he loved, the morning’s promises weighing heavy on his heart. He wished he could start the day again, could take back everything that had been done and fix it all somehow so that Charlie would not have had to do what he had done. After a moment, Matteusz shook his head, sitting on the edge of the bed and stripping off his own shoes and jacket. There was nothing to be done about that now. All he could do was lie down beside Charlie and rest so he would be prepared to make his promise again tomorrow.


	2. I Come This Day Before You With No Riches, No Renown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV:  
> Matteusz***Charlie***Matteusz

Matteusz quickly found that he could not go to sleep.

After several minutes of tossing and turning on the bed beside Charlie, he decided to get up and move around before he woke the other boy up with his restlessness. He rose quietly and padded to the kitchen, where he filled a glass with water and sat at the table to drain its contents.

Finally alone, Matteusz allowed himself to release the breath he had been holding since Charlie declared his intent to destroy the Shadow Kin. A choked sound escaped from his throat, but he swallowed back any more sounds, not wanting to disturb Charlie or Quill. Instead he sat with his head in his hands, silently allowing the tears to fall, dropping in a puddle on the table in front of him.

 _Charlie_. Just thinking about the boy made Matteusz want to curl into a ball and sob. What Charlie had done…Matteusz couldn’t breathe for thinking about it. All of those lives. It didn’t matter that the Shadow Kin had been ready to kill everyone on Earth if Charlie hadn’t wiped them out. The thought of all of that killing settled uncomfortably under his skin, twisting painfully with every beat of his heart. Justifying genocide was something bad governments did.

Worse than Matteusz’s horror at the act Charlie had committed was his despair at the toll it would take on Charlie himself. Matteusz hated himself for caring more about the pain of one person than the deaths of millions, but there was nothing he could do about that now. He was who he was, and who he was loved Charlie with all of his soul, unconditionally and irrevocably. That scared him more than anything else. Tanya had asked if his love for Charlie was why he also feared the boy, and he had been honest when he told her no. His love for Charlie made him fear himself, fear what he could justify for the sake of one boy.

Matteusz shook his head, as if he could dislodge these thoughts. He didn’t want to think about how distraught Charlie had been when Quill saved him. He couldn’t bear the thought that Charlie wished he was dead. That was too much now.

He stood, needing to do something productive with his hands. Finally, he decided he would make some food. They would all need to eat later.

This thought cast his mind back to the others. How were they faring? He worried for Tanya, now orphaned and burdened with the task of explaining what had happened to her brothers. And Ram. He had seen far more death than he should have this year. And now April was a Shadow Kin. Matteusz hadn’t stayed long enough to understand what had happened. He hoped she would be alright now. Maybe that would help Charlie to bear what he had done.

Matteusz shook his head, ashamed of himself for again putting Charlie’s grief above those he had killed. He sighed, pulling his phone from his pocket and tapping out a message to Ram.

_Is April ok?_

He set his phone on the counter, not expecting an answer anytime soon, and set to work making food for when Charlie and Quill woke up.

***

_Charlie is ripped out of the darkness by lights flying past him, making his face burn as they whip too close to his skin. There is something in his hands, glowing, burning. He wants to let go of it but he can’t. He’s trapped here in this tunnel of sparks and he doesn’t even remember why._

_Not sparks. Souls. Rhodian souls._

_The Cabinet of Souls stands before him, gaping as the blades of light swarm around him, and all Charlie can think is that he deserves this, every second of the pain he feels. There are tears on his cheeks and he’s trembling but still he does not drop the glowing ball, doesn’t stop the double genocide that he knows will kill him as well. He stands there, biting his tongue until he tastes blood to keep back the cry of pain that is rising in his chest, until finally it is all too much to bear. He opens his mouth and a ragged sound rips out of his throat, filled with grief and guilt and pure pain. He lets the sound swallow him whole._

***

Matteusz dropped the spoon into the pot of soup he had made, ignoring the sizzle as some of the liquid splattered out onto the stove. He ran up the stairs, past the room where Quill stood in her doorway, eyes wide, clutching her pregnant stomach. He ran, ignoring everything but the sound of Charlie’s cry that rang painfully in his ears.

 _I shouldn’t have left him, I should have been there when we woke up, he shouldn’t have been alone._ The reprimands reverberated in his mind, blocking out the rational part of him that knew he had needed air, he had no way of knowing when Charlie would wake, he had been making food for them all. None of that mattered when he could still hear the anguished sound Charlie had made.

Finally, he made it to Charlie’s bedroom. He scanned the room frantically, looking for Charlie, but the bed was empty. A whimper from the other side of the bed had Matteusz moving again. For the second time since the Cabinet had been used, Matteusz found Charlie in a heap on the floor, trembling and crying. He dropped to his knees in front of the boy.

“Matteusz?” Charlie looked up from his shaking hands. “Is this…did I really…?” His breath hitched into a sob and Matteusz had to fight back the urge to wrap his arms around Charlie. He didn’t want to frighten him. Charlie swallowed, regaining control of his voice. “Did I use the Cabinet of Souls?” he gasped.

Matteusz swallowed, blinking back the fresh tears that rose to his eyes at the pain on Charlie’s face. He thought he had cried himself out while Charlie was asleep. He was wrong.

“Yes.” He whispered, not trusting his voice. “Yes, you did.”

Charlie’s face crumpled. He gasped, looking wildly around the room as if searching for some escape. Matteusz knew there was none. He crawled forward, reaching out a comforting hand, but Charlie gasped again, cringing away.

“ _April_.” He cried. “I killed April. Matteusz, I—“

“Shh shh shh.” Matteusz interrupted him, grabbing the boy’s hands and pulling them down, away from his face. “April is alive.” He breathed, locking eyes with Charlie. “She’s alive.” He said again when Charlie just blinked at him, not processing his words.

“She…” He shook his head. “She can’t be. I shot her, Matteusz. I killed her!” He pulled his hands free from Matteusz’s grasp, turning away from the other boy. “Don’t lie to me, now, please. I can’t…”

Matteusz tried again, this time pulling Charlie’s hands to his chest and holding them there. “I am not lying. April is alive.”

Charlie stared at him. “How…?”

He shook his head. “We do not know. It is…complicated. But she lives. I talked to Ram.”

A sigh of relief had Charlie sagging forward into Matteusz’s arms. Matteusz wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. The moment of peace didn’t last, though. A few seconds later Charlie stiffened in Matteusz arms. “But the Shadow Kin.” He gasped. “I still killed the Shadow Kin. I still used the Cabinet, Matteusz, I—“ Charlie writhed in his grasp. Not wanting to hurt the smaller boy, Matteusz released him. Charlie was staring at him in horror, his face twisted with it. “ _I killed them all!_ ” He sobbed.

Matteusz nodded. “Yes, you did.”

A choking cry tore from Charlie’s throat. “They’re all gone. I’m so sorry, Matteusz. I’m so sorry.” He fell forward again, his head buried in Matteusz’ chest, sobbing. Matteusz held him, his heart breaking with every tear that soaked his shirt. He pressed his face into Charlie’s hair, inhaling the scent of him, and rubbed soothing circles on the boy’s back. They were shaking, both of them, and Matteusz couldn’t tell if it was Charlie’s sobs that wracked his body or his own.

Finally, his tears spent, Charlie looked up at Matteusz. “How can you still hold me?” he asked, his voice raw. “How…I’m…after what I did, how can you even look at me? How can you be so kind?”

Matteusz lifted a hand to gently cup his face. “Charlie, this…this thing you have done, you know how it makes me feel. I hate it. You are changed now, forever. There is a darkness in you, in what you have done. And I thought if this happens, I will not be able to love you.” His voice broke as Charlie looked away, eyes pained. “But now I see, you are you, in all your darkness. And…I hate the deed. But I could never hate you.”

Charlie shook his head, loosening Matteusz’s hold on him. “You should. Hate me. I deserve it.” He let out a shaky breath. “I definitely don’t deserve…” his eyes met Mattuesz’s, “this.” Charlie swallowed. “If I weren’t so selfish, I would tell you to go. But…” Charlie’s voice cracked. “But all I want right now is for you to hold me.” He quivered in Matteusz’s arms. “Please, don’t stop holding me, Matteusz. I can’t breathe when you let go.”

Matteusz pulled Charlie closer, fighting past the lump in his throat, “Neither can I.”


	3. For Here I Am No Leader, I'm Just a Humble Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV:  
> Charlie***Quill***Quill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took longer than the others. I'm trying to actually move the plot forward and write something other than Matteusz and Charlie holding each other and crying. Don't get me wrong, that's great. But I'm trying not to make this entirely about them.

It took a long time for them to collect themselves enough for either of them to speak. Idly, Charlie wondered if he would ever finally run out of tears. He seemed to have an endless store, and they wouldn’t stop falling, soaking Matteusz’s shirt and leaving his cheeks wet and shining.

It was Matteusz who finally spoke up, when they had both calmed to sniffling and their trembling had stilled. “There is soup downstairs. I was cooking when…” his voice, hoarse from crying, trailed off. A wave of guilt washed over Charlie. He knew he was the cause of Matteusz’s tears and he hated himself for it, just as much as he hated himself for shooting April, for killing an entire species, for using every last soul of his own lost people to do so. Matteusz had said that if Charlie wiped out the Shadow Kin it would make him a monster. And yet now that Charlie had done just that, Matteusz was still here, holding him. Comforting him. He wanted to do something, wished desperately that he could snap his fingers and make everything better, but at the moment the most he could manage was a small nod. He didn’t yet trust his voice.

“You should eat something.” Matteusz prompted.

Charlie took a shaky breath. He didn’t think he was hungry. He just felt… _empty_. Empty and exhausted and like he might fall into a million pieces if he even breathed too deeply.

“Charlie,” Matteusz pulled away so he could examine Charlie’s face, “you cannot give up now, Charlie. Not after…” he shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment to collect himself. “I am _here_ , Charlie. After…after _everything_. Because I am not giving up on you. So you are not allowed to give up. Understand?”

Charlie met Matteusz’s eyes. There was pain there, and again he cursed himself for being the cause of that. Matteusz deserved so much more than a broken, homeless ex-prince. He deserved someone that hadn’t done—someone that wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ do—the things Charlie had done. They had talked about this too many times and Matteusz had made it clear how he felt about using the Cabinet of Souls. And still Charlie had used it, in the end. And still Matteusz stayed.

And that made Charlie so angry he felt he could barely breathe.

Why wouldn’t Matteusz just give up on him already? Charlie knew now that he could never be the person Matteusz thought he was, the person Matteusz deserved to be with. Why couldn’t Matteusz see that?

In his heart, Charlie knew the anger was irrational, that if he was upset with anyone it was himself. He knew that he was beyond relieved that Matteusz was there with him and that he would still be curled into a ball on the floor at Coal Hill, sobbing, if it weren’t for the boy sitting in front of him. But none of that mattered. Because suddenly the pain that had been building and building inside him as sorrow had shifted to rage and Matteusz was the one there in front of him, looking at him with an infuriating kindness that did nothing but remind him how much he didn’t deserve.

“You think I don’t know you don’t want to be here?” he whispered.

Matteusz’s eyes—impossibly—softened. “Charlie, no, that is not what I meant—“

“Could you _stop_ , just…stop being so _understanding?!_ ” Charlie’s voice was weak and rough, but his words still came out hard and angry. “I’m not…” his voice cracked, “I’m not the same person you promised to love this morning.” Each word left his mouth like a blow, though he wasn’t sure who they were striking; him or Matteusz. Maybe both. “I said that I had already died and I meant that, Matteusz. My soul left me when I shot April, and I didn’t expect you to have to try to… _fix_ me, because I thought I was going to die the rest of the way, and I should have, Matteusz. I wish that I had died in there—“

“Charlie, you don’t mean that,” Matteusz interrupted, horror in his voice.

“ _Yes_ , I _do!_ ”  Charlie cried. “Yes I do. Because _this_ …this is more than I can bear.” He was crying again, unable to meet Matteusz’s eyes. “How can you even look at me?” he sobbed. Matteusz tried to pull him close again, but Charlie flinched away. “I wish I had died, because knowing that you cannot possibly love me after this…Matteusz, that’s worse than death.”

They were silent for a moment. Charlie couldn’t bring himself to look up at Matteusz, afraid of what he would see in the other boy’s face. Finally, Matteusz sighed.

“Charlie.” The word held so much pain that Charlie’s eyes flicked up to Matteusz’s face. He was watching him, his eyes filled with tears, his face a mask of grief. It took a moment before he could speak again. “I will not lie to you. I feel… _horror_ , at what you did. I looked at your face, Charlie, and you were not there. It was…someone else. I am still not sure now who I see in your eyes. Both, I think. I think you will always be both now. The Charlie I love, and…”

“And the one you’re afraid of.” Charlie breathed.

“Yes.” Matteusz replied. “I see him in your eyes. And that is…” Matteusz closed his own eyes. “That is hard.” He looked at Charlie earnestly. “I do not know what this means for us, so I will not make any more promises. But I will not abandon the one I made before. I promised to love you, Charlie, and as long as I see _you_ in your face, I will stay. Whatever else I must face.”

Charlie studied Matteusz’s face, finding nothing there but earnest determination. He released a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. Matteusz would stay. He wouldn’t be alone. The relief had him trembling again. “I won’t abandon my promise either.” He breathed. “I will try to hold on to myself. I’ll try to stay.”

“Good.” Matteusz lifted a hand to Charlie’s face, thumb brushing gently across his cheekbone. Charlie closed his eyes, leaning into the touch. After a moment, Matteusz exhaled softly. “Come. Let us see if the soup has burned.”

At Charlie’s nod, he stood, pulling Charlie to his feet as well. “Thank you.” Charlie whispered, his throat too raw to manage any more than that. He felt shaky, like the world was twisting beneath him and he didn’t know where it was safe to step. Matteusz seemed to understand. He wrapped an arm around Charlie’s shoulders and together they made their way slowly down the stairs, leaning on each other the whole way.

***

Quill did not lie down when she finally made it to her bedroom. She wanted to. She was exhausted. But she was too restless to sleep. The Shadow Kin were finally dead. She should have felt relieved. Instead she felt…empty. The death of the Shadow Kin had been the only thing she could think about for so long that now that they were all finally gone she didn’t know who she was anymore.

Then there was the matter of the child she carried. She wasn’t sure what would happen when it was time for her to give birth. Would her child be entirely Quill? Or would it be something else, some hybrid of Quill and its shape shifting father, made even more complex by her human body?

Those were questions for another time, since Quill could not think of any way to answer them. No, the real reason Quill could not sleep was because she had a phone call to make.

***

To her own surprise, Quill felt her blood run cold at the cry of anguish that came from Charles’ bedroom. Before she could stop herself, could think about how ridiculous it was to feel concern for the Prince of her oppressors, the boy who had held her as a slave to the creature implanted in her brain and found no wrong in it, Quill was on her feet, moving towards the sound.

By the time she had her door open, Matteusz was there, running by her so quickly she wasn’t sure he had even seen her standing in her doorway. She watched him go, relieved that he was there. Now that she had stopped to think, she had no idea what she would have done when she made it to Charles. Would she have tried to comfort him? How? And would he have even wanted her to? She was, after all, the one who had pushed him to using the Cabinet. He probably hated her. Quill shook her head, bothered by the fact that she couldn’t quite convince herself that that didn’t matter to her.

Rather than think about Charles, she decided to head downstairs. Now that she was in the hall she could smell food cooking in the kitchen. She realized that must have been where Matteusz had come from. Alright, then. She would see if he had made anything worth eating. And, she added as an afterthought, make sure the boy didn’t burn the flat down in his rush to get to Charles.

Sure enough, when Quill made it to the kitchen the stove was still on, a pot of soup bubbling loudly on the still-hot eye. She turned it off with a sigh, although she had to admit that it smelled good. Matteusz had cooked several times since moving in with them and had always made a point to make enough for all three of them. Sometimes Quill ate what he made; sometimes she chose to fend for herself. But every time she was surprised by how well the boy could cook.

She was hungry now, she realized, staring at the food in front of her. And she noticed that, even after the day’s events, Matteusz had set three bowls out on the counter before dashing off upstairs.

Trying to pretend she wasn’t touched, Quill served herself some soup and settled down at the kitchen table to wait for her call to be answered. She had learned from the first time not to expect the man to come in a timely manner. He was not nearly as punctual as you would imagine someone with access to a time machine out to be. No matter. He would come, that she was certain of.

The Doctor couldn’t ignore a call for help.


End file.
